This past week, I have had to debate with my kids about a bunch of stupid stuff.   Why you can’t shoot water guns in the house, why we don’t wear makeup at the age of 8, why we need to brush our teeth for longer than 2 seconds, why two pieces of bread on top of each other is not a sandwich, why peeing near the toilet does not “count” and that is just scratching the surface.  I’ve surrendered to the fact that I am raising three very strong willed children.  And what this ends up looking like are numerous battles of will throughout the course of the day.  It feels like a never ending power struggle.

It goes beyond parenting, the power struggles we face.  I have experienced this in every facet of my life.  Career, marriage, even with family.  So much push and pull to relationships.

What about our own personal power struggles?  What feels like a power struggle with my kids and everyone else stems from a power struggle with myself {I’m pretty sure.}  My own battle to achieve and thrive, to command and control has sent me into so many emotional tailspins, and no doubt has created battles that never had to be,  if I was able to get out of my own head.  If I was able to deal with the power struggle I was having with myself.

I was reading recently about a woman who was feeling really desperate.  You can find her story tucked away in Mark 5.  Her story is one that isn’t long, and there are not a ton of details, but in the paragraph or two, you can pick up on her situation pretty quick.

This woman felt like there wasn’t much hope.  She was aware that she was out of help.  She was suffering.  She was drained.  Instead of things getting better they were only getting worse.  She had lost everything.  She had tried to manage it all on her own.  She did everything she could to fix her problems.

She’d been told that her struggle would never end.

So in an act of desperation, she tried one more option.

This woman in Mark 5 does something.  Something that must have been really remarkable because Jesus has a big reaction.  He says to his friends that he felt His power leave His body.  It was like someone took something from Him and he wanted to know who it was.  The disciples blew him off.  They were surrounded by huge crowds, which was the case all of the time.  So to his friends, they were confused why he’d be alarmed that someone touched Him.  People were all around Him, but something was different this time.  Jesus knew someone didn’t just touch Him.  Someone believed.  Not just any belief.  The desperate kind.  And you know what?  It worked.  She was healed.  And Jesus told her, her faith did it.

I was drawn to this story because I can relate to this woman.  I have had hurt, loss and pain.  I’ve battled, I’ve battled myself.  Her pain was so deep and internal and honestly, so much of my pain comes from my own self too.  I’ve walked around for years in what I think is a “part of the crowd” type faith and belief.  The crowd, most likely had a lot of believers, but not the same as that woman.  Not the same according to Jesus.

I think for a while I’ve let my faith become more contextual than concrete.  It’s easy to do, being around the right people, reading the right books, listening to the right music.  What about following the right way to raise kids, the right way worship, the right amount to give.  A crowd like mentality to faith looks good, it feels good.  For a while it can sustain, but not forever, not when things get real.  I’ve wondered why I can’t seem to get a grip on these battles, why I feel like I’m drained.  Why I can’t fix my problems.  Why I feel like I’m lost and struggling. How can I feel that way when I am surrounded by everything that is right?

And that is the power struggle.  I’m not giving it up, I’m just trying to fit in.  I’m not letting Jesus have the power in my struggles, I’m still trying to power through myself.

The woman in this story knew something I’m trying to grasp and put into practice.  The real power lies not by what is all around, but what is inside.  An inward, forceful grab for Jesus.  That way of living means all power and no struggle.  A better way to deal no doubt.

Hopefully drawing on His power will help my 5 yo with his aim, cuz I truly give up 😉