5 years ago / in Family Life
You will never finish anything ever again.
This is seriously the conversation I have with myself daily.
My friend and I were having a little chat about this the other day. I call it mom-paralyzed. It’s that moment when you realize you are alone or not needed by anyone and you seriously do not know what to do. You want to be productive, but something inside of you says…don’t do that thing, you know the second you do, the baby will wake up, the husband will come home from work, the kids movie will be over, and so you just stand paralyzed.
I remember one time when I had a newborn, 18 month old and a three year old, they were all down napping at the same time. I was so freaked out that someone would wake up if I did anything at all, I just stood in my kitchen and stared at the clock for 45 minutes. (that was the valley people!)
It’s hard when you are feeling overwhelmed. It’s hard to start something knowing that at the moment you sit down to eat a meal, fold laundry or do meaningful work like catch up on netflix or instagram, someone will find you. The will need you. And OH the needs, they are great, they life shatteringly important.
Not just kids, husband too. Love him dearly, but he might have a secret mission to drive me crazy by trying to stop me from doing anything, ever, at all.
Driving in the car is my favorite time. I have 5 texts messages I need to respond to. I try to wait, have some meaningful conversation with him or the kids (because we all know the best conversations happen in a minivan…) It’s quiet though, so I pull out my phone, and then sure enough I am hit by all 4 of them, rapid fire. Why didn’t I just wait? I am not a great multitasker. I think that part of my brain fried when kid number 2 entered the world.
Now, when I have read posts or articles like this one in the past, they tend to end with something along the lines of, “but they won’t need you anymore for long, at least you have a family to take care of”. And YES! YES one thousand times. BUT, there are still things. Things that I have to do regardless of what I chose or didn’t chose, the number of kids I have, the people in my life, the responsibilities I have on a daily basis. We all have those things.
Imagine if you will, trying move a rock the size of a house and it just won’t budge, you push and you push, it’s not going anywhere though (because it’s huge!) and you are just feeling so down and deflated. That is what those moments can feel like when you are trying so hard to make some progress, but are constantly interrupted. The sense that no matter what you do, you can not move forward. It’s a hard feeling to bare no matter who you are. So I will just leave this simply with sympathy. To the families and folks out there that are trying to move mountains and they are just not budging, we are in this time together and maybe in 20 years we’ll get to that email….