Mom, Ministry, Life, Family, Humor

don’t belong here.

don’t belong here.

I was recently shopping with a friend at the local outlet mall {because that’s what moms who are in their 30s do}.  She needed clothes for a trip and I needed an excuse to leave the house.

While shopping at a store I’ve been to a ton of times, I see an adorable flowy-blousy shirt that I must have.  I grab it to try on.  We go back to the fitting rooms.  My friend with her stuff, me with mine.  I try on the shirt, but instantly there is a major problem.  It seems that all at once I am stuck in the shirt.  I start trying to feel around for a missed zipper or hook and eye thingy.  Nope.  So, I just try to pull the shirt on further, at this point it’s pretty much stuck over my head and one of my shoulders.  Panic sets in as I begin to hear a few seams rip.  I quietly holler to my friend…”I need help, I think I’m stuck”!  She instantly starts laughing and comes over, it must have been bad because she is dying.  Finally I basically tear it off my head.  First thing I do is check the size, which was right.  In my confusion, I further examine the thing and discover, it’s a romper.  Like a short/shirts thing all in one…like what you put on a baby, only they have those handy little snaps at the crotch.  I was putting the short hole through my head and trying to force my, anything but delicate frame, in it which is why it wasn’t going anywhere.  Yep a romper.  Which made me think, what am I doing here, this is not where I belong.

Can a 33 year old pull off American Eagle?  I don’t know, maybe, probably, never, no, heck yes.  At that moment, I was so disoriented.  Yes, this romper got me thinking about the deeper things in life (it doesn’t take much – need more friends).  Let me share it with you.

You see, I think we all have those moments when all the sudden realize we don’t belong somewhere.  For me, I have had hundreds of them.  From the one time I sat with the cool girls in middle school at lunch and they stared at me like I was from another planet or to the time I went with my friend to water aerobics class and was the youngest in the pool by at least 4 decades.  It’s such a strange and profound feeling when you know you’re the one who just doesn’t belong.

So one time I went to a frat party at MSU.  If you are not aware, Michigan State University has a pretty big reputation for being a party school, so the fact that I only went to one frat party is enough to make people’s jaws hit the floor.  For me, that was not my thing.  There was this one exception though.

It was early in the fall of my freshman year.  Still new to school and all that college life had to offer, I had met a new friend (a boy) who was rushing a frat.  I had been invited to a few other parties and never had any desire to go, but this was different because of who was inviting me (a boy).  So I agreed to go and met him there the night of the party.  He was upstairs and told me to come in and wait in the basement.  I remember going down there, there was frat memorabilia everywhere, it was seriously just like a movie.  Pictures of all the classes, different awards and silly trophies.  As I looked around all the sudden that old familiar feeling hit me.  I don’t belong here.

(Funny thing about this looking back, there was NOTHING going on, it was seriously 7:30 at night and not one person had showed for this party)

I don’t know about you, but for me, it’s a humbling experience to realize you don’t belong somewhere.  I think for a lot of us, we go into situations thinking we can handle it.  You leave work and meet up with coworkers for a drink.  You tell yourself you’ll only have one, but then the same thing happens like always, you have too many, you cross a line.  Or you get into conversations that you know are not healthy, it’s not what you want to talk about, but you hate being rude, so you participate again and again.  Sometimes, it’s the relationship that is so broken, but you keep holding on, hoping things will change, you give up your purity, your sense of who you are because maybe it will all click one day.  Or maybe you are trying to be the mom and wife you see as successful, you get the right car, house, school for your kids, you look to their activities and their accomplishments for fulfillment all the while feeling empty.

And then finally, in all this, you look around and see…I don’t belong here.

All at once everything that you thought made sense makes no sense at all and you realize it again.  You don’t belong here.  You don’t belong at this happy hour.  You don’t belong at this guys place.  You don’t belong on these websites, or whatever it is that is stealing your joy, burdening your heart, carrying you away from what matters, from Jesus.

John 15:19 — If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.

I thought this entire thing was a shirt.

I thought this entire thing was a shirt.

To all of those who are trying to figure out where you belong, first listen to where you don’t.  Look for what gives you life and joy, look for God.  He is speaking to you and He will guide you.  Once you know where you don’t belong, it’s actually pretty easy to figure where you do.  God has chosen you.



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