It’s fall, and I think we can all agree, the best season for us Midwesterners.  Summer in Michigan is long and rich, but for some reason, we over do it here – every nice day feels like it could be the last (remember when it was snowing in MAY!?) I see it in my friends pictures and posts, we hit the Lake MI coast, we take the trips to all the parks and zoos.  And it’s amazing.  And it’s exhausting.  Enter fall – with it’s change of air temperature and change of pace.  It always makes me want to start a few things fresh and new.

I know I feel best when my health is a priority and something about fall makes me want to check myself.  I’m sure I’m not the only one who overdid it at a summer party or bonfire, did I really need devour three s’mores unashamedly? {…while telling my kids they can only have one!}  I love healthy eating and working out, but it’s not my default, I wish it was.  I also happen to love chips and sitting, add TV to that and well, come on, let’s just all admit the struggle is real!

But over the course of a couple of years, I have learned to love my body, learned to be thankful for my health and worked to have a desire to take care of myself (and not hate myself for eating 3 s’mores or whatever, every now and then).  This was not always the case for me.  I struggled for years and years with my body.  I remember being 12 or 13 and writing out my first “diet” 25 grapes a day is all I would eat.  How sad, but that began a battle with food that lasted well into my adult years.  I would control and control and then fall off the rails with zero clue how to find a happy “medium” it came to a head when I started throwing up everything I ate my senior year of High School.  I didn’t really know what eating disorders were, but now I do, and so it’s safe to say I had one.  My Freshman year of MSU I started to heal and move on from some of those bad habits. I feared gaining the dreaded “Freshman 15” so much so that I lost it, but in a healthy way thanks to my classes being spread out all over East Lansing and my love for rollerblading,  yes rollerblading, I rollerbladed to all of my classes…and I wonder why I was never invited to a party.

It didn’t last though, as the stress of school, working and graduating, my years at MSU reflected the previous years, ups and downs.  I got married and worked my butt of to be “in shape” for my wedding.  That summer after we got married, I trained for the Chicago marathon, I ran and ran until I blew out my knee and then I stopped everything, admitting some kind of defeat, let go again.  Being poor college students, we were eating horribly, literally scraping the couch cushions for enough money to eat Taco Bell (seriously we did that all the time).

After I had our first baby, I got crazy sick, my daughter was 10 months old and I woke up one night sure I was dying, I was throwing up everything until it was just gray matter, I went to the ER, and was told it was food poisoning, still sick for another day or two I went back and realized my gallbladder was infected, inflamed and overflowing with stones.  I had emergency surgery at the age of 27 to remove it, with scary complications.  Not the typical age for this, the American Diet, my crazy ups and downs (I gained 80 lbs during my first pregnancy!!) had lead to the beginning of a lot of health issues for me.

I could go on and on about my health struggles, I’m sure I’m not alone.  What changed is why I write this today.  Change is necessary and they way God created our world and even us.  And thankfully, change in the way view our bodies is possible, but it takes work, time and grace.  None of those things I had much interest in until the last few years.    I found what works for me and though I still have a tendency to stray – now it’s for a week – not 12 months.  I rest easy and I feel happy – for the most part – in the skin I’m in.  I have worked hard find a healthy me.

I’m not perfect, I have cellulite, stretch marks and a muffin top…  But I have peace, so I’m cool with all of that.  I do my best and I feel good.  When I don’t feel good, I evaluate what’s been going on.  Stress usually leads me to poor eating choices which usually leads to not wanting to move my body.  When I need to, I recognize that and ask for help (find someone who can help you, this is a huge part of it and if you have an enabler, do not go to them :).

My hope is that this fall is one where you find a way to love yourself if that has been a struggle for you.  Whatever that looks like, I’m pretty sure everyone has some sort of body issue.  This might not be yours, but whatever it is, take this change in season and pace to give yourself grace and maybe start something new.  Also, if you see me at the Cider Mill this year, my goal is to eat just one doughnut, not 12 😉