5 years ago / in Ministry
My first boss of my first job out of college nicknamed me “Katrina”. The year was 2005 and she was referring to one of the worst natural disasters to ever hit our country…Hurricane Katrina. I started this job in July 2005 and by the end of August 2005, Hurricane Katrina was headline news.
One month into my career and it was obvious that my boss and I were hitting off just great.
I had a lot of energy at 22. I was young and fresh out of the gates, I was chomping at the bit to prove myself, I had enough zeal and passion to make anyone nauseous. I loved me a good cause. I also loved to talk about causes. I also loved to talk about causes in such a way that seemed like I knew more than anyone else, even though I had only been out of school for like 23 seconds and had relatively zero experience. Hence, my loving nickname, Katrina. Clearly I was a disaster.
As disastrous as I was then, I wish I could have bottled up that confidence. I miss being bold.
Recently, I was challenged to figure out one thing that I want to work on in my own character. I heard this in a message at church and at first, it was such a no-brainer to me, I need to work on patience, but then I quickly thought, no, I need to work on gentleness, that then turned into thinking I need to work on self discipline…the list went on and on. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is quick to point out a million different areas in their life that could use a little improvement. Discouraged by my high level of suckiness, I walked away from it for a day or so. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, after some prayer, some thought, some silence, God bashed me over the head with this idea…I need to work on being bold.
So here’s the deal. I was offered a full-time job and I start tomorrow. Yep. Full. Time. Tomorrow, I will leave my kids with trusted caretakers and embark on my new career, full time ministry at my insanely awesome church.
And where one might think I am feeling so confident and so excited (I am excited, beyond excited) I am a ball of nerves.
I am praying and praying to be bold. Now, I know that at 22 I was very naive, but I wasn’t afraid. At 33, I feel fear creeping in and that’s when I know there is something missing. My one thing… boldness… that can only be found in Christ. I’m going into something so profound and life-changing. The call to ministry is not one that I have taken lightly. I have had many sleepless nights. I have thought about all the people that I will encounter, the relationships and friendships that will be made, the work that will be done. I have literally cried thinking about this day tomorrow, tears of joy, I am so humbled taking this next step that it almost hurts.
I have had so many emotions about walking away from my life as a stay at home momma and into this “job” that is more, way more, than any job. I have struggled over how people might think I’m selfish to leave my kids, or that I’m a bad mom. I’ve struggled that I’m not good enough, smart enough or tough enough to take on this great responsibility. I have counted and recounted the cost a zillion times. And one thing keeps coming back to me….be bold.
So now, thanks to this “one thing”, I will take that doubt and that fear and turn it into something amazing. Where fear and insecurity creep in, I will shut it down with whatever it takes. I’m remembering and holding onto the fact that God has been leading this journey all along, He brought me to this point, He’s guided me ever so softly, ever so perfectly to tomorrow and what He has started surely nothing can stop. He’s been speaking into me about this moment for a long, long time and now all I have to do is go and be bold.
I don’t know for sure, but I am willing to bet a lot of us are embarking on, or at least thinking about taking on something new in their lives. Whether it’s career related, a family thing or just embracing a dream you’ve had for a long time. It’s scary when you feel like you are standing at the edge and are not sure if you’re ready jump. Will you walk with me in this journey to be bold? Can we all just get out there and get going on these adventures? And if you’re in the praying mood, will you say a quick prayer for me on this next step? I’ll be praying for you, I’m going to need my friends, my sisters and my brothers (I know guys are reading this) to be bold too. I’m praying for you and rooting for you more than you know.
2 Corinthians 3:11-12 …for if what was fading away came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which endures, therefore since we have such a hope, we are very bold.